Monday, September 12, 2011

It Comes Out of Nowhere

I have been having a great day on the heels of a great weekend. Truth be known, I think I have been having a great month.

Then I come home and see this on my Yahoo! News:

FILE - In this undated file TV publicity image released by Starz, Andy Whitfield portrays Spartacus in the Starz series Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Whitfield died of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in Australia Sunday, Sept. 11, 2011. (AP Photo/Starz Entertainment. LLC, File)

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Andy Whitfield, who played the title role in the hit cable series "Spartacus: Blood and Sand," has died at age 39, according to representatives and family.
Whitfield died Sunday in Sydney, Australia, 18 months after he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma, manager Sam Maydew told the Associated Press.

Just like that, my world is unsteady. I am back in the doctors office a year ago being diagnosed with lymphoma. 
I do not know Andy Whitfield.  I do not even know the character he plays on the Starz network. I do know from the article that he had non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and was diagnosed a short 18 months ago.  I guess my point is, I am not grieving someone in my life.  He is a virtual stranger to me. 
But, I sit here on my couch as I type this, sad. Overwhelmed with sadness.  They told me when I was diagnosed that it was a "safe" diagnosis and that the fatality rates were low. Low like 2 % low.  I never felt that I was at risk of dying.  So, how does someone die from it?
My friend Regina just shakes her head at me. She says I am the only who never processed that people still die from Cancer. I know people die from Cancer. I know that all too well.  But not from a cancer that all of the medical providers I had say, "if you are going to have to have Cancer, this is the one you want."
The logical side of me points out that I had Hodgkins Lymphoma and Andy Whitfield had non-Hodgkins. I was diagnosed in a stage 1 and I have no idea what stage he was diagnosed with.  But, I am not logical right now. My logical side has been taken over by my emotional side. The side that is screaming, seriously I could have died!
Just the other day a friend asked me how I was doing. I told her I was back to normal. I would like to restate my position. I am not back to normal. I am physically feeling fine. But I am suffering from shell shock and anything Cancer related can rock my world.

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