It's My Life

I have been having a great day on the heels of a great weekend. Truth be known, I think I have been having a great month. Then I come home and see this on my Yahoo! News: LOS ANGELES (AP) — Andy Whitfield, who played the title role in the hit cable series "Spartacus: Blood and Sand," has died at age 39, according to representatives and family. Whitfield died Sunday in Sydney, Australia, 18 months after he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma, manager Sam Maydew told the Associated Press. Just like that, my world is unsteady. I am back in the doctors office a year ago being diagnosed with lymphoma.  I do not know Andy Whitfield.  I do not even know the character he plays on the Starz network. I do know from the article that he had non-Hodgkin Lymphoma and was diagnosed a short 18 months ago.  I guess my point is, I am not grieving someone in my life.  He is a virtual stranger to me.  But, I sit here on my couch as I type this, sad. Overw...

I checked into Cancer-World this week. I hate checking in there! Even though I appear healthy and feel healthy, you just never know what is going on inside the body. There is so much stress about checking in. First of all, you are scared witless that something might me found. Then there is the stress of waiting....you do all of your test one day and wait for several days to find out the results. Monday morning, The Boy went with me to the hospital for my testing. I had to take three test; Lab work on 2 different CAT scans. The Lab work went smoothly, but three viles full of blood is  a lot!  I hate the paperwork. I use to be able to say NO to all the history questions. Besides weighing too much, I have always been healthy. Not any longer...Now I have to say YES. My first shock of the morning was when we hit the radiology department and they brought me out TWO glasses of liquid to drink. I am not sure what type of contrast they mixed with a very dilu...

Simoney over at Greatfun4kids just keeps teaching me new things! She taught me how to make a photo collage for my blog! Thank you Thank you Thank you Simoney!! My collage...my hair growth journey. As most of you know, I am Cancer Survivor, although a new Survivor. I am 5 months into remission. My hair is growing out.  My best friend suggested that I should photograph my hair once a week. I have been taking photos since Christmas. Some days I get a little sad at how long it is taking for it to grow. On those days, I simply look back at photos of my hair and I am reminded that I have come a long way. I was pretty bald on Christmas Day. I stopped wearing a head wrap the second week in January. Today, my hair is curly, dark, and at times unruly. BUT, I have hair and I have never lost sight of the fact I am happy to once again have it. I no longer look sick. I have been told I look like one of those trendy girls who makes fashion statements with a bold hair cut. I like that. Let...

Family planning is not something my family understood. If we did we might have spaced our birthdays out throughout the year. But, seeing how do not understand it, we started birthday season this month. Over the next four months, we will celebrate seven birthdays! Fourteen years ago, I was in a hospital in Denver, Colorado, and had just spent my first twenty-four hours being a new mom! On so many levels, that seems like a lifetime ago. On a cold, Saturday morning, we drove to the hospital and delivered a baby boy by 4:30 p.m. on January 25, 1997. We spent two days in the hospital and brought that baby boy home on Super Bowl Sunday. How appropriate that has always seemed to me since that baby boy has grown in the largest sports fan I have ever seen.  We had a small family dinner last night for his birthday. This Saturday we will have an extended family dinner at one of Jacob's favorites, Japanese Steakhouse. He is having an actual birthday party on Super Bowl Sunday. Thos...

Today, I am no longer a patient. Today, I became a survivor!! As quietly as it all began, it ended that way too. I arrived for my 10:45 appointment just after 10:15 a.m. I chatted ever so briefly with Momma Liz before the nursing staff came and got me around 10:30. By 10:40, I was walking out of the Oncology Radiology Department at Liberty Hospital with my mask in hand. I have not exactly decided what to do with the mask. I am still taking suggestions. So far I have heard the following: 1. Turn it into art and put it on the wall. 2. Turn it into a bird feeder 3. Some sort of Halloween decoration. 4. A plant container. 5. Strain Spaghetti with it. (although we had to reconsider this one, because hot water will melt the plastic) 6. Hang it from the ceiling so it looks like a face is coming down at ya! If you have other suggestions, by all means, send them to me. I would love to hear what you think! I elected to spend my afternoon after treatment doing somet...

I resumed treatments the Monday after Christmas. Let me update you: 1.) I was able to eat some solid foods over the holiday. No ham or turkey. Mostly soft side dishes but it was still solid food that was not a shake. 2.) I am still eating a lot of soup, it is just easier. 3.) On Monday, my throat stopped hurting. Since then it has gotten stronger every day. As I have said before, I have to see the doctor every Monday. This week we had a visiting doctor and boy did she examine me! She poked really hard on my lymph-nodes and concluded that she did not feel a single one of them. YEAH ME!! She also told me that anything higher than 2000 units of radiation is known to do permanent damage to the saliva glands. I am receiving over 3000 units. The right side of my mouth continues to be super sore. But, I will say, it has also improved every day this week. I can only guess that the boost is not hitting it and it has started to heal. I am sunburned. The first sign al...

An old high school classmate of mine posted on my Facebook this morning, "we are blessed." Since she posted that I have been sitting here thinking how truly blessed I am. A very good friend of mine would scoff at the idea that a person with Cancer is blessed or lucky, but I am going to have to disagree with her on this one. I have spent more than half of this year being sick. I have done things to my body that under normal circumstances I would never do. I have had more reactions to the treatments than I ever would have guessed. I have increased the scars on my body 400%. And yet, I can still sit here and type to you all that I am Blessed. I am blessed to have a job. I am blessed that the job provides me with health insurance. I am blessed that the health insurance allowed me access to reputable Doctors and Nurses who cared for me. I am blessed that I got all of my doses of chemotherapy when this country is in a prescription drug shortage. I am blessed that I have a home ...

I finished the 12 radiation session on the entire neck yesterday. It could not have come at a better time. I am tired of drinking my meals. Did Oprah really lose all that weight drinking shakes? Of course she did. I am just not sure how she could do it day in/day out for months!  My mouth has so many sores inside it that I could scream (well if my throat did not hurt so badly)! The Doctor says the boost sessions, those to just my right side, will provide relief to my throat. He also explained that he is coming up higher on the right side of my throat than the left, hence the sores on my right jaw line. He has given me two days off treatment this week. The office is closed Friday for Christmas Eve and he has suspended my treatment on Thursday also. This will allow my throat and mouth a four day weekend to heal. For those keeping track, I will finish radiation next Thursday, December 30, 2010. The Doctor has prescribed me a mouthwash commonly called Magic Mouthwash. The theory...i...

It is so hard to believe Christmas is only five days away!  I will have both of my kids at home with me on Christmas morning and I am so excited! I also have family coming in from out of town to celebrate the holiday. My only hope right now, is that I will be able to eat this Christmas. I am down to only being able to drink. I have sustained myself on shakes. Sometimes those are protein shakes but other times, I will confess, to living off of Eggnog milkshakes from McDonald's. I meet with the doctor today after my treatment. I was down two pounds from last week. My throat is sore! My jaw and gums are also sore! These are side effects the Doctor expected and warned me about. My only concern is that the side effects are permanent and he assured me today that they are not. He believes within two weeks of ending treatment I will feel better. The Doctor gave me some "magic mouthwash" that will numb my throat so hopefully I can eat. He told me to take it within a half-hou...

The throat is super sore now. It is a different pain than when I have a sore throat due to strep. The sides of my throat are not sore, instead I have a "lump" in the middle of my throat, where if I were a man, would be an Adams apple. When I swallow solid food, it feels like the food gets stuck against the sore spot. I have experimented with different foods. Meats are out right now. Soft foods are somewhat doable. Protein shakes work. I do not believe I have come close to consuming 1000 calories today. I am hungry. More than just being hungry...I am craving food. The doctor said my throat would heal when they stop radiating the entire throat and move to just treating my right side. I am off for the weekend, so I am hoping it heals a bit over the weekend. Then I honestly have 2 days left on the entire neck. While I will appreciate this all being over before 2011, it kinda sticks to be going through this at Christmas time. The Taylor family is having a Christmas gatheri...

Today is Day 8 of radiation. So far, I have had few side effects. Food still taste like food and I am enjoying eating. The Doctor said since my taste has lasted this long, I might not lose it. That was the second best news he has given me. I have noticed my neck becoming more red. It does not hurt like a sunburn but I would say the radiation burn has started. I am tired, still. I nap almost everyday.  And, today, like a light switch, my throat started hurting. I noticed it as I ate lunch. It felt like I had swallowed too large of a bite of food without chewing. But then I noticed every swallow was like that. I realize this road is nearing stage 2 completion but I keep having this nagging thought; how in the world can I prevent this from happening to me again? This question has lead me to studying macrobiotics. One of the books I have started reading poses this question to the readers, "how free are you within your own body?". This one question has summed up how I ha...

I will say in advance....sorry male readers. Probably not a topic you appreciate or want to read about. But if I am going to document this Cancer experience I would be amiss in talking about the early menopause the chemo has created. Now, I have not been to a doctor and I am at this point diagnosing myself. But, I truly believe the chemo has kicked me into early menopause. Among other symptoms, I am having hot flashes like nobodies business these days. I will wake up in the middle of the night sweating I am so hot. The other day, Wayne came home and found me cooking in next to nothing because I got so hot I thought I was going to self combust! Off came the clothing. Whether this is a temporary condition and my pre-Cancer self will resurface again, I have no idea. The websites I have read say a lot depends on the age of the person with Cancer. I guess it is a good thing Wayne and I had previously decided our family was complete. I have also decided if I go though these hot flashes a...

So far, as predicted by the Doctor, I have not had many side effects from the radiation. The right side of my throat, up high by my right ear, has been swollen and sore to the touch. However, that has subsided and offers me no discomfort. I am tired. I tend to not sleep when I am stressed, so maybe that is part of the sleepiness during the day. Or, the radiation is making me sleepy. I have probably napped every day this week. I also continue to lose weight. I am down 19 pounds from when I was diagnosed. I ate a banana for breakfast on my way to treatment today...I normally would have been starving by 11:30 but I never felt hungry. I went ahead and forced myself to eat. The radiation machine appears to be temperamental. Today it took an extra five minutes just for it to decide to work. That is an extra five minutes in that darned mask. I have to tell you, all I need is some green paint and a forked tongue and I would just like a scaly lizard after my treatment.

Obviously, I did not personally know Elizabeth Edwards. I have however, gotten to know her through the media. I said extra prayers for her yesterday when news hit that she was back in the hospital. Today, I have cried at her passing. As I watch interviews with her tonight...I admire her strength and her wisdom. As I waited for my radiation appointment today, I chatted with woman who was sitting alone in the waiting room. She appeared to be inpatient and was waiting for someone to take her back to her room. I attempted to make small talk with her but this dear woman had just found out her Cancer has returned. All she could say, over and over, was that she thought things were going so much better, she thought she had made it through the storm. My heart went out to her. I do not even know her name. It is my biggest fear. Elizabeth Edwards' Cancer returned. The lady in the waiting room's Cancer returned.  Tonight, I am going to say extra prayers. Provide peace. M...

Radiation started today. I arrived there just before my scheduled time, 8:15 a.m.. The first thought I had was not about the mask I have to wear but to the size of that machine! It is incredibly huge!! Then before I can even get over that, it is off with the glasses and the head scarf and right into the mask. I am not sure if it possible, but is it tighter than it was last week?  I think I actually expected to feel the radiation. But it is painless. I could hear the clicks of the machine. Other than that, you just focus on how much longer will that mask be on my face. It was over quickly, I would say less than 15 minutes. The future dates will be faster, they won't have to x-ray me every day. Every Monday we meet with Dr. Cozad after the treatment. He informed me that I will have 12 units of radiation on my entire neck. Then I will have 5 additional units on just the right side of my neck. So for you math guru's that is 17 units. (I was expecting to get 20 days of radiation...

Wayne and I met with Dr. Cozad today, who is my Radiologist. I start radiation on Monday, December 6, 2010. I got a little bit of bad news today, I was expecting to only do between 12-15 sessions but I found out I will have to do approximately 20. The side effects of radiation: I will have a sore throat. Mild to moderate sun burn on my chest. Food will taste badly again. Fatigue. I then made my mask. I can hardly describe this experience.  Many of you might remember plastic canvas that was popular in the 80's as a arts and craft. The mask material was very similar to plastic canvas. It was a solid material that had tiny squares all over it. You could see/breathe through it. The edges where covered with trim and the trim had black knobs on it. The nurse had me lay flat on a table and then she submerged this plastic canvas material in hot water. Once it was wet the canvas-like material was pliable. She immediately put it over my face, neck and chest and locked it down to the tabl...

I have attempted to write a post many times since last Wednesday. However, I found myself just too emotional all holiday weekend. I have never had a more profound sense of gratitude as I do right now. I am thankful for a wonderful family. Cancer does not effect the patient alone, it impacts the entire family. I am thankful to have my immediate family and extended family by my side. I am thankful to have medical insurance and quality doctors.  This process has been stressful enough, I can not imagine adding the burden of figuring out how to pay for it. I am thankful for my medical staff. I have two great doctors and wonderful nurses who have cared for me. I am so thankful for the multitude of friends who have supported me. So many people have emailed, or texted me or even called just to let me know they are thinking of me or reading the blog. Other friends have made us meals, offered to drive me to treatments. I have so many wonderful people watching out for me and I am so t...

So as happy as I am about being in remission, I still have to make plans for the next step: Radiation. I have decided to do radiation in Liberty with Dr. Cozad. I called his office today and made an appointment for next Tuesday, the 30th. I will meet with him briefly and then spend time in the simulation room. There I will make my mask.  I believe Wayne is going to go with me so he can take photos! I will then start radiation on December 6, 2010. My insurance is changing drasticallyy on January 1, so I wanted to be finished with radiation before the end of the year. So, by starting on December 6, I should finish the week of Christmas.

Okay, today of all days Wayne and I sat in the lobby of the Doctor's office for 55 minutes before being called back. The Doctor started off telling us that previously my lymph nodes were about 3-4 cm large. The latest CT scan showed they were 1 1/2 cm large. He is very pleased with how much they have shrank. He said they will continue to shrink over the next several weeks because there is still chemo in my system. BUT, he believes if he PET scanned my lymph nodes right now, they would be PET negative, meaning swollen but not with Cancer. He believes right now the lymph nodes are full of "trash" (dead cancer cells) that my body will continue to "clean out" in the next several weeks/month. He did say there is a strong likelihood that my lymph nodes may never return to their pre-Cancerous size due to scar tissue. He also said the MUGA test showed my heart is just as strong after chemo as it was before. So, I am going to survive Cancer and have a strong heart!...

Nothing too much new here. We are still waiting for test results. Doctor's appointment is at 9:00 tomorrow. I promise to post as soon as I get out of the doctors office and to a computer. I will say....it has been a stressful week. You want to be positive and think positive thoughts but in the back of your head you are always thinking...there is a small possibility. The other thought that has consumed my week is prevention. Self admitted I like to control aspects of my life. One of the most frustrating things to me this week is not knowing what caused me to have Cancer.  It is not like lung cancer that is directly tied to smoking.  And because I do not know what caused it, I honestly can't prevent it from ever coming back. Is it the soda I drank? Is it the food I ate? Is it the crop dusting I grew up with? or did some gene just go rouge and morphed into Cancer?  I recognize that my obsession about prevention has to do with just how desperately I never...